I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
