I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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