If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
