when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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