Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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