I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
