Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
