the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
