so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
