i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
