We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
