margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
