Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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