I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
