I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
