She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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