Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
