Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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