Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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