I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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