Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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