he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
