mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
