Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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