we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
