this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
