I should be sponsored by Trojan
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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