Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
