"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
