they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
