watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
