Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
