Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
