There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
