I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize