I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize