Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he fucked my hip out of place.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
