i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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