When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
