Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
