Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize