The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
