This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
