One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
