My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
