Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Houston, we have a blender
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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