If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
