doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
