Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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