tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
