did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
