JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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