Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
