did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
