In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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