just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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