dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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