When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize