dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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