it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
