That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We need to rekindle our bromance
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
