Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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