it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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