Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
